rules
””“When you want a child to do something, no matter what the rule domain, what the research shows is that it’s the tone of voice in the making of your request, and whether you include choice in there,” says Kazdin.
“So if you say to your 4-year-old child, ‘We’re going outside! Put on your red coat! It’s cold out!’ You gave the child an ultimatum kind of thinking that is likely to lead to oppositional behavior,” he says.
“If you say the same thing: ‘We’re going to go outside. Please put on your red coat or green jacket.’ That presentation greatly increases the likelihood of compliance in any child.”
One basic difference between these two approaches is this: Nucci will argue that it’s important for children to actually have control over a part of their lives, while Kazdin says that it’s only important for them to have the perception of control.
That’s true not just for children, he says, but for all people. Parents included.”
-NPR.org
